


Summer

by Elphabuddy



Series: And A Vest... [1]
Category: Mean Girls - Richmond/Benjamin/Fey
Genre: F/F, F/M, Growing Friendships, Hijinks, M/M, Trans Male Character, Trans!Karen, haircut, trans!damian
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-06
Updated: 2019-09-06
Packaged: 2020-10-11 01:17:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,797
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20537786
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Elphabuddy/pseuds/Elphabuddy
Summary: This series is based on a headcanon I have. Many trans masc people layer clothing, like vests, to hide their chests. Before I figured out that I’m trans, I didn’t understand my love for many layers, even in blistering heat. It makes sense now that I know and I still use this method when I need a binder break. (I’m not saying dressing masculinely makes you trans but it can help you realize.) Just something I noticed and I hope you all enjoy.





	1. Chapter 1

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen finally gets the haircut she’s always wanted.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Mild Transphobia, Incorrect gendering of a trans character before realization  
Pretty light for now.

It all starts when Karen is allowed to wear a vest daily. She just loves them. They make her feel happy. Everyone has made up during the spring and is spending almost all of their last summer vacation together by the time she stops wearing dresses and skirts all together. She never really liked them. They made her feel bare and vulnerable but Regina insisted she wore them. She sees no reason to continue now that their silly clothing rules are gone.

Damian compliments her outfits almost every day. He’s noticed her clear change in fashion choices but doesn’t want to discourage it. She never fails to grin ear to ear when he says something nice.

Most guys want to fuck her when they comment on her appearance but he just does it because he’s genuinely kind. The only thing he wants from it is her happiness rather than for her to smile because she’s prettier when she smiles. (Or so her exes have told her.)

Janis eventually opens up movie night to the whole friend group and Karen knows it’s a big deal. It used to be just her and Damian, then it was 3 when Cady came along and 4 with Aaron. Being invited was the last thing left to true forgiveness and she is absolutely thrilled. Since her parents will be at some science conference this weekend, Cady suggests to do it at her house on Saturday and have a sleepover after. Everyone agrees and Janis mumbles something about hoping she won't regret this. Karen makes it her mission to never make her regret forgiving her.

***

Damian takes forever to leave community theater that accepts all ages after rehearsalwith Janis but they wander out to see Karen sitting on the dirty ground waiting for them. She pops up and grins innocently. “Hey, love. What are you doing here?” Damian asks gently.

“I need some help, mmm, not help... Mouthless emoji... I need company,” she forces out, shifting nervously.

“For what?”

Karen pulls her phone out of her purse and pulls up a picture of a guy with a fohawk. “I want to do this,” she says softly.

Janis cracks a joke about not wanting to be there when she does him and Damian shoves her gently. Karen’s eyes well up and the punk realizes just how inappropriate that joke was. “Kare, I was kidding. I didn't mean to hurt you so I'm sorry. You want this haircut?” Karen nods.

“Ok then.” Janis opens her arms for her. "Only if you'd like one."

Karen instantly takes her up on the offer and hugs her so fast that Janis makes a quiet oof. She knows how rare physical affection is from her if you aren’t Damian or Cady. She wasn’t about to let her chance go.

***

She learns quickly that Damian probably paid his driving instructor (and maybe a few police officers) off because there’s no way he earned his license. She isn't one for believing in prayer but she finds herself bargaining with any god that will listen. They make it to a salon in one piece and she silently thanks the higher power that kept them safe before she even opens the door. They catches the salon at a good time and they have a barber open. An older woman takes her back and puts the cape around her neck. “So what are you thinking for this, sweetie?” she inquires, running her fingers through her hair gently.

Karen shows her picture to her and the woman clicks her tongue judgmentally. That doesn't sound like a good noise.

She shifts uncomfortably in the spinny chair. “That’s a bit harsh for someone as pretty as you. I can soften it up so it fits you better. Or maybe a pixie cut would suit you better,” the barber says plainly.

“Can’t you cut it like the picture, scissors emoji?” Karen asks, biting her lip anxiously.

“It’s a men’s cut, honey. Do you want to look like a man?”

Would it be so awful? She doesn't know why but the thought that it could make her look like a guy is a good one. It actually kind of sell it for her. She's bothered that this woman seems to think that it's the worst thing that she could do.

Janis walks in, noticing the distress on Karen’s face that’s reflected in the mirror.

“We good in here?”

“Yes. We were just discussing about her options for her lovely hair.”

Her eyebrow quirks at Karen’s reflection. “Thought you already decided and had a picture. Show her.”

“Yes. We were discussing something that might be a bit more suitable than a men’s cut,” she replies snidely.

“Dude, she wants her hair cut like that. Why can’t you just cut it the way she asked?” Janis pushes, peeved.

“Ok. Then I’ll cut it like that and do the softened edges like we talked about, ok?” she asks Karen, who looks about to cry again.

“Talked about or told her you would do anyway?”

Damian comes back, takes the cape off Karen, thanks the barber, and tells Karen that they’re going to another salon. He nods at the woman and wishes her a good afternoon. Karen waves before following her friends.

***

Showtunes blare in his car once more until they end up at the next salon. This barber instantly agrees and cuts it the way it looks it the picture. Seeing the chunks of long hair on the ground is shocking but looking in the mirror is even more so. Karen gasps softly, touching the spiky top of her head. She falls in love with it instantly. She thanks him repeatedly and hugs him before she leaves. Damian asks if she wants to hang out at his house once the hop in his car, just the 3 of them, and she accepts. Once they pull in the driveway, she resists the urge to kiss the ground and follows the two teens in. He takes them to his room and turns on more showtunes but they’re jazzy and she enjoys them. He flops on his bed and stretches, earning multiple loud cackling sounds. She briefly wonders if he has back problems but thinks it would probably be rude to ask. “So what made you want the haircut?”

“And why ask us to go with? Why not Gretch or Regina?” Janis adds.

Karen shrugs. “I’ve wanted to for, like, ever but Regina would be so red face scowl emoji if I did that when we were plastic and I don’t know about now. We all know Gretchen is open padlock emoji so not her. You get it and defended me without me being all microphone emoji, you know?”

“I think so?”

“Yes.” 

Damian’s answer is so certain, an odd look on his face. She can normally decipher expressions but this one knocks her off guard. It’s a suspecting glance. Like he expects something to follow. She doesn’t know what he thinks she’s hiding but it unnerves her slightly.

Janis sticks her hand out to Karen’s head but stops inches away when she jumps. She isn't scared of getting hit despite what it looked like. She trusts Janis. She just didn't see her moving until her limb was in her periphery. “Can I rub the really short hairs near your neck?”

Karen agrees and Janis rubs it gladly. “Would she have cut my hair really bad?”

Damian puffs out his cheeks and sighs. “Probably. I can’t tell you how many haircuts I’ve had that people like her messed up because they were sure they knew what would suit me better.”

She nods, digesting his answer. “Thank you. Both of you.”

They both grin and Janis scratches her head ever so gently as a response.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You can find me over on my Tumblr: @elphabuddy


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Karen goes through an identity crisis.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW: Internalized Transphobia, Mentions of Emotional Abuse and Child Neglect, Incorrect gendering of a pre realization trans person

Karen can hear loud shouts coming from inside Cady’s house before she even reaches the door. She’s rather glad that Cady is the only Heron that’s supposed to be home right now if this is how tonight is going to go. “I love you, Caddy, but I’d rather die than watch The Lion King again,” Janis declares as Cady answers the door. 

Aaron peeks over her shoulder and shoots her a soft smile. Cady squeals the second she takes in the new look. 

“It’s so cute!”

She hugs Karen and lets her in. Aaron nudges her shoulder gently and does the bro nod at her. "Nice hair, K,” he murmurs.

Regina’s eyes bulge slightly in shock when she gets to the living room. She expects her to rip into her but Regina grins at her friend. “Holy fuck. My mirror will have to start lying to me if you want to survive.”

Karen cocks her head to the side in confusion. Her mirror can talk? Why doesn't it talk to anyone else? “Like magic mirror on the wall, who’s the fairest of them all?” Regina clarifies.

“Like Snow White?”

“Yes, like Snow White,” Regina replies with a laugh.

Janis smirks, her eyes twinkling like this is the funniest thing she’s ever heard.

“So you admit you’re an evil queen?”

Regina rolls her eyes and swings a couch pillow at her, nailing her gut. They both laugh in good nature. Janis and Regina vote no but the rest vote yes on binge watching The Great British Baking Show so cooking shows it is. 

They are winding down for the night when Gretchen nudges her. “I know I haven’t said anything yet but your hair is beautiful,” she whispers, her warm eyes making contact with her own.

Karen’s cheeks heat up for some unexplainable reason but she thanks her. She ends up dozing off against Gretchen’s shoulder while the smaller girl absentmindedly rubs her head and roots for the chefs that are too hard on themselves.

***

Saturday sleepovers quickly become a thing between the group. A month later, Cady asks if they can go to Walmart during one of their sleepovers. Everyone but Regina agrees so the blonde takes the loss and grabs her keys. Cady, Gretchen, and Aaron hop in Regina’s Lexus while Karen gets in Janis’s pickup with the 2 friends. Janis teases Damian because he got stuck in the middle and had to be the most buddy-buddy in the truck. She asks him if he’s warm enough and tries to turn the heat on full blast. It’s a surprisingly short ride and they all split off together once they enter the store. 

At some point, it ends up being just Damian and her as they go through the store. They slowly drift into the men’s section and looks at some of the shirts. She wonders why she's never really looked in this section before. They have some good clothes here. “Crap, I’m sorry. You’ve just been following me all night. What do you want to do here?” Damian asks, a warm smile painting his face.

“This is cool. Do they have slushees here?”

She wants a blue one so the color her tongue changes. That's the best part about slushees. Then again, the sweet iciness is pretty good too.

Damian sucks air between his teeth and clicks his tongue as he ponders. “Not sure, babe, but this is Walmart so I’d advise letting me harass Jan into stopping at a gas station regardless of if Walmart has them.”

She nods and a shirt catches her attention. A blue tank top with a gradience to purple at the bottom, a purple chest pocket and hem around the arms and neck. She picks up a small, looks at it confused, and checks the size again. “It’s a men’s small. Check the extra small,” Damian offers.

Sure enough, that looked right. “Why are these so big?”

Damian’s laughter bubbles and she frowns. Of course that was stupid.

“Hun, you’ll be the first I tell when I figure the cishets out.”

It makes her feel good to not ask when he explains what cishets are before she can even open her mouth. They hear Janis cackle and clap across the store. “What the fuck, Caddy?" she shouts mere moments later.

They both look at each other knowingly. “Check out before they’re kicked out?” Damian asks.

She nods fast and they go to the front of the store. At the self checkout, Damian jokingly adds a candy bar to her order which freezes the machine up. A tired worker fixes it groggily. Damian apologizes and tells Karen that he was going to pay her back. He keeps talking about how stupid it was and how finicky the machines are. Quite frankly she doesn’t understand why he’s being this extra about 75¢.

She takes the shirt and shoves it in her purse with the receipt.“Have a good night, gentlemen,” the employee says with an exhausted smile and slow nod as they exit the checkout area.

Karen feels a warmth in her chest and wishes her one too. Damian, as usual, goes all out. “Thanks for your service. Eat the rich and get some sleep, love,” he advises jokingly, following it with faux salute.

The employee laughs and nods. “Sounds like a solid plan, dude.”

They sit and a bench in the front of the store and Damian hands her a dollar. She hands it back, breaks off a tiny piece of his chocolate, and tells him she’s happy leaving it like that. He nods and starts in about a musical he’s trying to write. She listens and bobs her head to show she’s paying attention. His speech slows and he rests his hand on her shoulder gently. “Hey, Kare-Bear?”

“Hm?”

“Why did you grin when she called you a gentleman?” Damian asks, nodding at the young adult dozing off on her stool.

He gives her that curious look that scares her. This time, it’s slightly morphed. Like he expects or maybe is hoping for a kinship. Something in common. Like he knows her better than she knows herself. She hates this glance even more. “It felt... Heart cloud blushing emoji?” Karen replies, bouncing her leg.

Is it weird that it felt good? Does this make her gay? Is that a bad thing? After all, Janis and Damian are gay and they’re fantastic. Does he think she’s gay? Why did it feel better to be called a gentleman than lady?

“You doing good in there, space cadet?” Damian asks concerned, semi leaned in near her face. 

She opens her mouth and shrieks roar up to them. Regina is running with a cart that Janis is riding in. They're being closely followed by Cady pushing Aaron in her cart, Gretchen jogging far behind the rest. 

“Gotta blast!” Janis shouts as they whip past.

They jog after the 5 of them and hop in Janis’s truck. Damian wears Janis down until she stops at a gas station and Karen can get her slushee. Her mouth is vibrantly blue by the time they get back to Regina's house.

***

Karen is just about asleep when Damian crawls over and pokes her gently. She opens her eyes and props herself up.

“Waz goin’ on?”

Damian places a finger on his lips and motions to follow him. She goes with him to the kitchen and sits at the counter island with him. “Did I do something dumb again?”

Damian shakes his head hard. “No, no, no. Just wanted to talk.” He fidgets the strings on his baggy sweatshirt. 

She thinks this might be the first time she’s ever seen him be nervous without someone being in danger. “Have you ever considered that you might be transgender?” Damian proceeds carefully.

Karen can’t help but giggle. And everyone thinks she’s stupid. “I’m already a girl, silly.”

“It can go the other way too. I just remember I-... I know someone who is and this is how I remember him figuring out. The haircut, the change of style, that bubbly feeling in your gut when someone calls you a he or sir or gentleman. I’m probably overstepping. I’m sorry if I am but I want you to know there’s a word for that and that there's someone here for you if I’m not.”

Pure terror at the thought that he might be right takes over and he instantly recognizes it on her face. He places his hands on her (his??? No. Not yet.) hands. 

“How does someone know if she’s a boy?” Karen’s voice shakes, barely getting the words out.

Damian pauses a moment to think. “Imagine your future. Imagine being an elderly woman. Imagine having kids and being a mother. Does it feel right?”

She’s never even thought of that stuff. She wasn’t sure she’d live that long. Before she left, her mom always told her she was too dumb to survive adulthood. She tries but it almost makes her wish she won’t survive until then. She shakes her head.

“Imagine life as a man. A father, an uncle, a grandpa. Does that feel better?”

This time, it does. She stiffens. She can’t nod because if she nods this is all real, all true. “I think I want to sleep...”

“You don’t need to figure it all out in one night. You have time. You have so much time,” he says, gripping her hands protectively.

Karen nods and hugs him. “Could we-,” she trails off, knowing her request is as dumb as her.

“Could we what, darling?”

“Couldwepleasecuddletonight?” she rushes out so it gets out before she chickens out again.

He chuckles. “I could manage that if you promise not to fall in love with me. It will be a difficult feat with my undeniable charm,” he replies cockily. She giggles and they snuggle up to each other. 

The next morning she wakes up to a playful yet very loud argument about who his best friend is from Janis, his belly shaking against her back with laughter.

***

Karen begins to research transgender men the moment she gets home. Maybe Damian was right. Some of these guys are more masculine than others and it intrigues her. She feels a twinge of jealous in her utter fear. Some wear makeup and pink and even dresses and still consider themselves as men. Then again, she knows Damian wear makeup and that Aaron lets Cady paint his nails weekly, never taking it off on purpose, so if they can be pretty and still men then she supposes these guys can be too. If this is allowed, then maybe she isn't counted out of this just yet. Soon, she finds T progression and post top surgery update videos on YouTube which take up 2 hours of her Sunday without her even noticing. Her phone rings and it’s Damian. She pauses the current video before she answers.

“You’re obsessing about our conversation, aren’t you?”

She closes her laptop so she can no longer see a flat chested man doing a 3 year T update. “No.”

“Kare...”

“How could I be so stupid I didn’t know I was a guy? I can’t be! There’s no way I wouldn’t have noticed! If it’s true, then my mom is right!” she shouts, beginning to freak out.

“There is a way. Sometimes it takes puberty, sometimes a haircut, sometimes being called sir for the first time. Everyone's experience is different, especially when it comes to things as personal as this. And what do you mean your mom is right? Thought she was out of the picture,” he reassures calmly.

It shocks her that he can go from bouncing off the walls to this soft, caring person when needed. Only Gretchen knows about her mother’s cruelty, of how she was never good enough, of how she didn’t want a kid but was stuck with her, of how she was why her parents divorced. She knows many kids feel that way and it’s rarely true but this time it is. It was screamed at her as her mother loaded her car the last time she saw her. That day still haunts her nightmares. She knows that’s why her dad avoids her as well. He blames her for it. She can’t upset with him, though. He heard her mom too. Other than unavoidable small talk conversations, they haven't spoken in almost a decade and Karen understands. If she were him, she wouldn't want to hang out with herself either. She’s actually sorta relieved that she rarely sees him between business trips so she doesn’t have to look his disappointment in the face. She ruined her parents' lives and she can never make that up to them. “She is long gone but things she said never leave. They echo in my dreams. I can't stop them."

"Like what, love?" he asks in a near whisper, worry palpable in his voice.

"She never wanted a kid. I’m useless. I can't do anything right. I’m too stupid to survive. I'll never be...”

"No!" Damian yelps, his blankets rustle harshly in the background. “Don’t you dare believe her. She is so wrong. You are amazing and she doesn’t deserve you if she can't see that. She isn’t worthy of your presence. She isn’t even worthy of the space she has in your thoughts.”

She shrugs, forgetting that he can’t see her. It’s easy for him to say when he hasn't been her friend for even a year yet. She knows there's no d in ornje now. He can't sit there and tell her she's not stupid. Not after she's asked him that. And it wasn't even that long ago that she asked. 

She opens her mouth to tell him that she doesn't really believe it despite knowing her mother is right on worthless she is.

“And don’t say you won’t believe it but still believe it anyways. I can hear your thoughts and I’m not wrong. You deserve to be loved.”

She giggles wetly, nearly crying. “Then what about Gretchen? What about Janis? Regina, Cady, Aaron, or even my dad?”

“What about them?”

“What if they don’t like me as a guy?”

He sighs heavily. “Then they didn’t truly like you. Jan knows and loves the trans guy I was talking about so you’ll be fine with her. Also, my mom says our couch is open if any of my friends are disowned if that's in any way reassuring to you.”

“Yeah. It is.”

“Please know that I say this in a purely platonic, friendly way. I love you, hun. I love you so much.”

Damian’s words come out slowly enunciated. Deliberate in a way that they cannot be misheard. Like he needs her to know this clearly, in no uncertain terms. She finds it oddly easy to believe that someone thinks she’s worthy of this treatment.

Warmth fill her gut and she cradles her nearly dead phone. A tired grin grows on her lips. “I love you too, Damian.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Tumblr: elphabuddy  



End file.
